"Doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me?"

Speaking for the LDS Church at an interfaith dialogue in 2008, Elder Marlin K. Jensen, stated “Immigration questions are questions dealing with God’s children. I believe a more thoughtful and factual, not to mention humane approach is warranted, and urge those responsible for enactment of immigration policy to measure twice before they cut. Meet an undocumented person. Come to know their family. If there is a church that owes debt to the immigrant and the principle of immigration it is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.^[1]”

photo credit: Mike Terry, Deseret Morning News

Elder Jensen’s remarks were made in the context of several measures dealing with immigration were being considered in the Utah House and Senate and were specifically directed to state legislators and other government officials. His comments are in line with a 2011 official church statement on immigration. This statement, while discouraging illegal immigration, also stressed that “The bedrock moral issue for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is how we treat each other as children of God” and warned against mass expulsion, targeting specific groups, and enforcement only legislation^[2].      

I felt Elder Jensen's’ statement summed up my feelings on the matter and I recently posted his quote on my Facebook wall. As a moderate liberal in a family of political and religious conservatives, I expected some pushback. I am a peacemaker at heart and generally go to great lengths to avoid conflict, especially on political matters. The issue of how to deal with both legal and illegal immigration transcends politics, though, and cuts to the very heart of my religious faith and what I believe the purpose of this country to be.

One family member responded to my post with the following comment, “There's an assumption here that people who oppose immigration do so because they are not "humane." If you get to know them, you'll change your mind. First of all, I don't like being called not "humane" based on this person's assumption that I don't know any immigrants. Well he's wrong. I probably know more immigrants than he does. This isn't an argument. It's an insult.”

I’d first like to say that neither Elder Jensen nor I called out any specific person or group as inhumane. There is a difference between saying that our laws and practices dealing with immigration could be more humane, which is having compassion or benevolence, and calling a particular person not humane. It is entirely possible for good, well-meaning people, who are generally humane, to enact or enforce laws in ways that do not result in the expression of the virtues of compassion or benevolence.

Frankly, I am surprised that such a non-specific call for more thought, facts, and compassion in immigration legislation could be construed as insulting. Any important national decision should be made only after taking time to consider facts, history, and the potential impact the decision could have in people’s lives. Many Americans are jumping to conclusions and reactions based on fear, as we have seen recently in the public support for political figures like Donald Trump with his inflammatory remarks that Mexican immigrants were “rapists,” bringing drugs and crime^[3] and calling for “a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States.^[4]” Another well publicized example is Tennessee state Rep. Glen Casada, the chairman of the House Republican Caucus in the state Legislature, who called for the National Guard to round up Syrian refugees^[5].

“Othering,” is a term used describe the natural human tendency to view or treat a person or group of people as intrinsically different from and alien to oneself. This inclination can lead people to dismiss the “other” as being in some way less human, and less worthy of respect and dignity in both overt and subtle ways. Truth be told, while still worrying, I am less concerned about individual politicians than I am about those I respect and love espousing views that categorically put large groups of people in the “other camp.” For example, I had someone very dear to me confide their fear that “White people aren’t having enough babies. All the Muslims and the Mexicans are going to keep having babies and soon we’ll be in the minority.” A different family member recently commented on Facebook that if Utah admitted any Syrian refugees he would be happy to use his extensive gun collection to forcibly remove them.

This reaction to immigrants is older than the country itself. Benjamin Franklin, writing in 1751, complained of the German immigrants in Pennsylvania, arguing that their politics, language, and culture, and even darker complexion (as compared to English settlers), was distasteful and incompatible. Others of the time objected to the Germans, labeling them as a lazy and illiterate group whose Catholicism and “excessive fertility” threatened their Anglo-Saxon way of life^[6]. Other examples of anti-immigration sentiment litter our history: The Chinese Exclusion Act, the Know Nothing political party and more. 

The United States is a country of immigrants and each wave of immigration has raised the same types of opposition in the native born population. This opposition can be generally divided into three categories: concern for personal and national safety, economic concerns, and fear of cultural change. Take, for example, a 2014 Reuters poll which “showed that 70 percent of Americans — including 86 percent of Republicans — say illegal immigrants threaten traditional U.S. beliefs and customs, as well as jeopardize the economy.^[7]” While othering and the fears that fuel the propensity may be a natural and evolutionarily important reaction to the unknown, it can be intensified in unhealthy and unhelpful ways by media, political, and religious figures.

On the other hand, the negative effects of othering can be balanced by facts and empathy. Facts about the history of immigration, current levels, the contributions of immigrants to our society, and security threats can facilitate better immigration legislation that accurately meets the needs of citizens while respecting the human dignity of those seeking to enter this country. For example, understanding that, “Numerous studies by independent researchers and government commissions over the past 100 years repeatedly and consistently have found that immigrants are less likely to commit crimes or be behind bars than the native-born,^[8]” or understanding the process for vetting refugees may help alleviate fear about immigration.    

 

Neither I nor Elder Jensen assumed that particular people on my Facebook friend list held political views because they did or did not know immigrants. What I was asserting and will stand by is that it is important for lawmakers to recognize their own biases and work to correct them. One of the most effective tools to do this is to develop meaningful relationships and contacts with a diverse group of people.   

At the conclusion of her well-researched book on the state of free speech in America and the consequences of silencing opposing viewpoints, Kirsten Powers told the story of a law school admissions board that chose to reject the application of an otherwise acceptable candidate, a young man from a religious college. They wrote that they don’t want a “Bible-thumping student.” One of the members of that committee reminded his colleagues that his background was similar to the young man’s. Ultimately, the admission committee decided to admit the student.

Powers uses this story to illustrate how personal connection can work to overcome deeply ingrained biases. She notes: “We should all make efforts to invite people who hold different views into our worlds. Contrary to popular thought, familiarity doesn’t breed contempt. It breeds understanding and tolerance.^[9]”

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, is a necessary component of a harmonious society because it motivates individuals to act in ways that are good not only for themselves, but for the group as a whole. Most people, no matter their religious affiliation, can remember times when they almost seemed to feel another's’ physical or emotional pain.

Humans seem wired, whether by evolution or by a divine hand, to empathize most with those they are close to. Mirror neurons react to the emotions we view in others and then reproduce them, in essence allowing us to feel what others feel. It is natural to experience empathy for those closest to us, our family and friends, those who are like us. As Christians, we have an added obligation to seek after empathy, also called in the scriptures compassion, mercy, or charity. We are called to emulate the example of Jesus, who seemed particularly attuned to the emotions of those around him. Recall these touching verses from 3 Nephi, when Jesus told the people he would be leaving them:

“And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus spoken, he cast his eyes round about again on the multitude, and beheld they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them.

 And he said unto them: Behold, my bowels are filled with compassion towards you.

 Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy.”

One By One, Walter Rane

As baptized members of the Christ’s church, we are under covenant to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort^[10], in essence to have empathy, not just with those we love, but also our enemies, those who hate us^[11], and those we consider the least worthy^[12] of our empathy. This is a covenant we renew weekly when we take the sacrament and great promises of spiritual strength are attached to keeping this covenant.

As a friend of mine recently said, "Compassion, not contempt is the source of life that so many of us need. it is the font of living water from which we all can drink and sustain life. That is what I am advocating for. I'm not arguing for or against a particular policy. I'm not advocating lawlessness. I do believe that in order to create a just and virtuous society our most important Christian virtue, without which we are like sounding brass, must be evident in our lives and flow into our laws.

-----

^[1] Buckley, Deborah. “Have compassion for immigrants, lawmakers urged.” Deseret News. Feb 14 2008. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/695253048/Have-compassion-for-immigrants-lawmakers-urged.html?pg=all.

^[2] “Immigration: Church Issues New Statement.” Mormon Newsroom. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jun 10 2011. http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/immigration-church-issues-new-statement 

^[3] Ye Hee Lee, Michelle. “Donald Trump's false comments connecting Mexican immigrants and crime. The Washington Post: Fact Checker. July 8 2015.  https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/07/08/donald-trumps-false-comments-connecting-mexican-immigrants-and-crime/

^[4] Trump, Donald J. “Donald J. Trump Statement on Preventing Muslim Immigration.” Trump: Make America Great Again. Dec 07 2015. https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/donald-j.-trump-statement-on-preventing-muslim-immigration.   

^[5] Sisk, Chas. “Tennessee Lawmaker Calls for national Guard to Round UP Syrian Refugees.” NPR Politics. Nashville Public Radio. Nov 19 2015. http://www.npr.org/2015/11/19/456502693/tennessee-lawmaker-calls-for-national-guard-to-round-up-syrian-refugees.

^[6] Baron, Dennis. “Official American: English Only.” PBS.org. 2005. http://www.pbs.org/speak/seatosea/officialamerican/englishonly/  

^[7] Bell, Alistair. “Americans worry that illegal migrants threaten way of life, economy.” Reuters. Aug 7 2014. http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-immigration-worries-idUSKBN0G70BE20140807.

^[8] Immigration Policy Center. “Immigrants and Crime: Are They Connected?” American Immigration Council. Oct 25 2008. http://www.immigrationpolicy.org/just-facts/immigrants-and-crime-are-they-connected-century-research-finds-crime-rates-immigrants-are

^[9] Powers, Kirsten, The Silencing: How the Left is Killing Free Speech. Regnery Publishing. 2015

^[10] Mosiah 18:8-10 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/18.8-10

^[11] Matthew 5:44 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.44?lang=eng

^[12] Matthew 25:40  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25.40?lang=eng

Am I a Racist?

I wipe the fog from the bathroom mirror and look at my white body. My skin is so white I can see the blue veins, like a strange spider web on my stomach and chest and neck. This is the only body I’ve ever known, handed down through generations of Northern European mothers.

I remember the stories my mother used to tell, how as children, she and her little friend would sneak down to the stream behind their Utah homes. They would cover their bodies in thick, dark mud and pretend to be negroes, something they had never seen. Then the little girls would lay down in the stream and let the mud wash off, revealing again their white little bodies.

Later, as a nurse, my mom saw a black man for the first time. He was her patient and she diligently cared for him. She washed his skin and almost rubbed him raw because she couldn’t tell if he was clean. “Things were different then,” she told me, “when people were racist.”

My childhood was different, growing up outside of Los Angeles. Everywhere I looked there were people of every color, speaking every language you could imagine. We lived in a white neighborhood and went to a white church, but there were other colors, always there, in the periphery of my memory. I do remember the riots, on the news, when I was eight. I didn’t understand, but I was afraid of those men.  

I grew up as a millennial, the generation that values diversity, tolerance, and social justice. As a group, we’re not racist anymore, right? We studied Dr. King in our college classes. We elected a black president and are appalled when our grandmothers loudly suggest that President Obama is “nigger-rich.” We claim we don’t see color and nod when our partners say they’ve never seen racism.   

A newly born feminist, I read the words women of color have written because I know so few in real life. Terrified of being labeled a white feminist, I try to listen, try to understand a world that I have lived in all my life and yet have never known. I learn words like “intersectionality” and “systems of oppression.”

As the supervisor of a racially diverse team, my whiteness is always on my mind. When an employee accuses me of policing her tone, I try to calmly explain that three other women have come to me crying because of her rude words. She tells me they just can’t handle a strong black woman in the office. I don’t tell her the hours I have spent trying to decide how to handle this because I’m afraid of her myself.    

I drive home and I listen to white voices on the radio tell me about more riots, more protests, angry black men and women like the ones I remember from my youth. Another black man. Another white officer. My mind churns with names and places that I try to keep straight: Ferguson, Tamir, Sandra, Mother Emanuel. I come home to my white neighborhood, my white church, and my white family and all of that seems so far away.

But, I know that for so many of those who I claim are brothers and sisters, these events are not far away. And I don’t know what to do. So for one Sunday we take a break from our church, to sit in unfamiliar pews and listen to a black woman teach us what she learned from Dr. King.

Yesterday my six year old son, with the same blue-white skin and my own bright blue eyes staring back at me, told me how Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. made everything fair. “He was a great man, Mom. His father taught him that things should be fair and when he grew up he was brave and he made it all fair. He got all the black people to stop riding the buses. Then the white people got angry and shot him.”  

As we listen to the words of "I have a dream," my son draws pictures of Dr. King with a dove on his shoulder, of black and white people eating at restaurants together and drinking from the same fountains. He searches his crayons for the right colors and carefully completes the caption, "Martin Loother Cing Made Peece."  

Then I take a deep breath and we talk about privilege. I just learned this word and it sounds strange on my tongue. I’m not really sure what it means, but I feel like it is important to say out loud. “We have privilege. We have a responsibility to listen to others who don’t have our privilege because they are the only ones who can tell us what that is like.”

In these few moments before I start my day, in the time before commutes, homework, laundry, and the never ending stream of things to do take over my thoughts, I pause. And the thought comes back, the one I always push away, tuck back in, and try to forget. A question, really, “Am I a racist?” For once I take it out and look at the question, turn it over in my mind. I don’t know the answer and I’m not sure how to find out.

But for now, I’m listening. I'm listening not only to the easy, soothing words of Dr. King that are passed around on meme after meme between my white friends, but also those that are hard for white ears to hear. I'm listening to the words of those today who feel like they are unheard.

My Year In Books, Part Two: Memoirs

Ghost Boy: The Miraculous Escape of a Misdiagnosed Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body

    By Martin Pistorius

    Non-Fiction, Biographies & Memoir, Special Needs

Last January I listened to an episode on Invisibilia called, “The Locked In Man.” I was so fascinated by the true story of Martin Pistorius that I immediately purchased this book on my Kindle and started reading. Martin’s body and mind began to shut down when he was 12 years old. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him and eventually he entered a time when he has no memories. Then one day, he woke up. At least his mind did.  He could not control even the most basic functions like talking and spent years like that. Since he has written a book, I’m not spoiling anything by telling you that eventually he regained some functions.

This is a short but powerful and heart wrenching book about hope, despair, faith and what it means to be human. If you do nothing else, listen to the podcast episode I linked above!

If you do read the book be aware that some parts are difficult to read and not appropriate for children as they deal with abuse Martin experienced.   

Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption

    By Katie Davis

    Non-Fiction, Biographies & Memoir, Africa, Christianity

I also heard about Katie Davis on a podcast, this time from her interview with Dave Ramsey, which you can listen to here. I was just blown away by her story of love and faith. Katie is younger than me, but I want to be like her one day.

When Katie was 18 years old she visited Uganda. The next summer she went back and never really came home. You see, Katie could hear God calling her to his work. Kisses from Katie follows her story as she figures out what it is that God wanted her to do in Uganda. Ultimately, it was to found an organization that sponsors the education of over 700 impoverished children, feeds 1,200 children daily and provides a vocational program to poor women so they can feed their own children and send them to school. Additionally, Katie has legally adopted 13 Ugandan children.

Her book is a powerful testament to what can happen when we follow God’s path for us without fear. Katie said, “People tell me I am brave. People tell me I am strong. People tell me good job. Well here is the truth of it. I am really not that brave, I am not really that strong, and I am not doing anything spectacular. I am just doing what God called me to do as a follower of Him. Feed His sheep, do unto the least of His people.”

You can visit her organization, Amazima Ministries, and learn more.

First They Killed My Father: A Daughter of Cambodia Remembers

    By Loung Ung

    Non-Fiction, Biographies & Memoirs, Asia

Many of the books I read last year were difficult to read. This was one of the most difficult. Loung Ung was 5 years old when the Khmer Rouge forced her family out of their home in Phnom Penh and into the countryside. In the bloody civil war, genocide and starvation  that followed about 2 out of every 7 Cambodians died. In this book Ung details how she survived and eventually escaped Cambodia. Read it with a box of tissues. And don’t try to read it on the train to work like I did. Stories like this one are important so we remember and never forget the horror that humans can inflict on one another and the power of the spirit to rise above horror.

I’m looking forward to the Netflix adaption of this book which will be directed by Angelina Jolie and is set to be released later this year.

Also, please check out Girl Rising, another project Loung Ung is involved in. She helped write some of the script for the film of the same name, Girl Rising. You can see the trailer and get involved here.  

My Year In Books, Part One: I'm a Mormon Girl

One of my goals in 2015 was to read more books. I am very happy to report that I finished a total of 18 books and read portions of many more. Considering I read maybe two or three books the previous year, I certainly achieved my goal. This was in large part due to a wonderful Christmas gift I received last year: a Kindle. This allowed me to read much more than I might have otherwise. It also allowed me to purchase many more books that I would have otherwise, leading to one of my New Year's resolutions this year: to not buy any books. I am committing to only reading books I already own or that I check out from the library. Hopefully this resolution will contribute to other goals of simplifying and staying in a budget without restricting my reading too much!   

Each book has become part of me and influenced me in some way and I also intended to write blog posts reviewing each of the books and my reactions, but that didn’t happen. I would still like to record the list and some of my thoughts. I will try to organize the books into broad categories. I hope you enjoy this year in review and decide to pick up some of these books!

Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible’s View of Women

    By Sarah Bessey

    Non-Fiction, Religion & Spirituality, Women’s Issues, Christianity

“Many of the seminal social issues of our time - poverty, lack of education, human trafficking, war and torture, domestic abuse - can track their way to our theology of, or beliefs about, women, which has its roots in what we believe about the nature, purposes, and character of God.”

Sarah Bessey's claim is simple, yet radical: Jesus was a feminist.

Sarah uses her own faith journey to explain who she learned to find Christ in what she calls "our walking around life." In that process she came to believe that her feminism stemmed from her faith, from Jesus' message. Much of what she said rang true in my Mormon upbringing as well. I believe in the equality of men and women, not as a reaction against my faith, but because of it.  

Sometimes people ask me why I feel the need to identify as a feminist. The word is divisive, especially in my faith tradition, where its use conjures up images of women who forsake or even attempt to tear down everything we hold dear. Why focus on women, if I claim that feminism means that men and women should have the same rights and opportunities? Sarah Bessey’s answer is a beautiful encapsulation of my strong feelings about using that word and why I feel the need to couple it with my faith and proclaim that I’m a Mormon Feminist.  

“One needn't identify as a feminist to participate in the redemptive movement of God for women in the world, The gospel is more than enough. Of course it is! But as long as I know how important maternal health is to Haiti's future, and as long as I know that women are being abused and raped, as long as I know girls are being denied life itself through selective abortion, abandonment, and abuse, as long as brave little girls in Afghanistan are attacked with acid for the crime of going to school, and until being a Christian is synonymous with doing something about these things, you can also call me a feminist.”    

Sarah Bessey’s words read like a gloriously joyful song, sung with arms and heart wide open. I was completely drawn in, overwhelmed with Jesus’ grace and love. I felt myself filling up with desire to serve him, not out of fear of any punishment or hope of any reward, but just as the natural consequence of being lavished with so much love. This is a book I plan to read again and again and allow Sarah’s words to bring me closer to my Savior and Friend.

Women At Church: Magnifying LDS Women’s Local Impact

    By Neylan McBaine

    Non-Fiction, Religion & Spirituality, Women’s Issues, LDS

Deseret Book describes Women at Church as a “practical and faithful guide to improving the way men and women work together at church.” Neylan McBaine has the enviable talent of being able to see and understand why some people feel pain with the way the LDS church is administered while also being able to speak the language of the faithful, traditional membership. In the first half of the book, she explains why some women (and men) struggle with gender in the church. In the second half, she offers suggestions for relieving some of that pain. All of her suggestions are carefully chosen to work within the current guidelines in church handbooks, so leaders can feel comfortable using the ideas they feel inspired to implement.

There are some who don’t think it is our collective responsibility to try to help those who are struggling. There are others who want to call those they don’t agree with apostates or hypocrites. Neylan acknowledges the tense emotions that can come with discussion of gender issues and invites us to try to do more:

“Because we are working in the art of redemption, we all care very deeply. If we were simply trying to offer an amusing social outlet or after-school youth program, we might not care quite so much … But our relationship with the Church is a reflection of our relationship to our faith; although we might cognitively separate the two when it is convenient or needful, the reality is that the way we feel at church impacts the way we feel about our faith."


"Faith, at least the way Mormons approach it, is neither practiced nor cultivated in isolation, and the communal relationships and interactions are the road on which faith finds its way. Despite the fact that we already have dedicated and good-hearted leaders, don’t we want to make the Church experience even better if it is in our power to do so?”

I think everyone in positions of leadership in the LDS church should read this book. If you have ever wondered why some women don’t “feel equal,” you should read this book. If you have ever wondered what you can do to help women who struggle with our gender practices, you should read this book. It is a door-opener, a conversation-starter, and a bridge-builder. What this book is not is the end; it is only the beginning.

While I loved many parts of this book and think it fills a need in our community, I could not shake the feeling that there was more Neylan McBaine could have said, but that she was being very careful to not alienate those the position to make changes. I firmly believe that we (as a church) need more revelation, not more policies, direct from the source (God) concerning women in particular and gender in general. This book is a great stop-gap, a practical, on the ground manual for how to do things now to ease suffering while we are waiting for further light and knowledge.

For a more complete and thorough review, see “Women Exit Quietly,” at the Exponent blog.

 

The Book of Mormon Girl: A Memoir of an American Faith

    By Joanna Brooks

Non-Fiction, Biographies & Memoirs, LDS

“You see that? That big messy spiral of people, moving, trying to find God? I ask them, as the exodus unfolds once again on screen. That right there is Zion. Get there however you can.”

For a long time I hated Joanna Brooks. Really. I’m embarrassed about it now, but I did. In my mind she represented a threat to my nice, comfortable religious tradition. I remember a conversation with a friend where we just let loose how much we disliked and even pitied Joanna Brooks. She wasn’t really an insider, we told each other. She hasn’t been through the temple, how could she claim to be a voice for Mormonism? And if there were parts of our culture and tradition that were so painful for her, why didn’t she just leave? Why does she have to try to destroy what the rest of us love so dearly? If she really understood the divinity of womanhood …  

I owe Joanna Brooks a big fat apology. You see, just a few short months after that conversation, my shelf came crashing down. The shelf where I had stored polygamy and all it’s ugly implications, the “patriarchal order” of heaven, my hurt from being excluded from leadership, the promise I made to obey my husband, all the million microaggressions that come with being a woman in this church, and most of all, way there in the back, the empty hole in my soul where my Heavenly Mother wasn’t.

And then I understood what Joanna had been saying all along. I still waited over a year to read her book, refusing to listen to her podcasts or look at her blog. Then my book club announced that we would be reading Book of Mormon Girl.

I was hooked by the first page. I had been so wrong. What I read could have been my story in places. Joanna’s words perfectly captured the beauty and mystery of being raised Mormon. All the things I loved were there.

And the pain too. The confusion, the heartache, the loneliness, they were all there on the page. I found something else familiar there too, a determination and dedication that came with the evolution of faith.       

“I am not the same kind of Mormon girl I was when I was seven, eight, or eighteen years old.  I am not an orthodox Mormon woman like my mother.  I am an unorthodox Mormon woman with a fierce and hungry faith. ”   

I know what it is like to have a “fierce and hungry faith.” Like Joanna, I am not the same kind of Mormon I was. My faith, or what I thought of as my faith was consumed in a fire, until only the really truly permanent things were left. And so when people ask me, “If this or that causes you pain, why do you stay?” I stay, because in the end,

“(Mormonism) "it is my first language, my mother tongue, my family, my people, my home; it is my heart, my heart, my heart." No one says any of these things.  But they should.” 

Crying for my Mother

The words ring empty, empty, empty,

In the hollow chambers of my soul.

We have a Mother there.

But where?

My body shakes, the tears come fast.

To know the Father is life eternal.

But the Mother: nameless, faceless, and voiceless

Is too sacred, too protected for her daughters to know.

“You just don’t understand”

The answer comes fast,

With a pat on the head by a well-meaning hand.

You’re right. I don’t understand.

I don’t understand a Father

Who forbids a Mother to run to my aid,

Who keeps her in some hidden chamber,

And withholds her very name.

So I wrestle and plead and cry and hunger

For some answer, some balm to soothe

The aching, the longing, the gaping hole

The hole in my soul.

Oh, Mother, where art thou?

And where is the pavilion that covers the place where you hide?

I stand at the door and knock. 

But this veil is like looking through a glass, so dark, so dark.

I sought for you in divine words, scouring the pages,

And couldn’t find your name.

I sought for you in holy places, surely you would be there.

And in those lovely, quiet corridors I was empty and alone.

I am hurt and alone and weak,

Like a child after a bad dream,

Crying for my Mother,

For a glimpse of a divinity that looks like me. 

I Love This Old House

Recently on my Facebook wall I shared a short blog post from the Exponent titled, "Why I'm a Mormon Feminist and Why I Won't Tell You to be One Too." I felt like Jess' words expressed my feelings as well when she described what it is like to live between two worlds, constantly asking yourself, "How can I be a feminist in this church?" and simultaneously wondering, "How can I stay in this church?" Every day is an act of faith, an expression of of my hope for things unseen.

I stay for many of the same reasons outlined in the post: community, values, and heritage. My ward is absolutely fabulous my interactions with the members of my ward fuels my hope and faith. I have a deep Mormon heritage that goes down into my bones and pervades all of my soul. But, ultimately I stay for one reason: I know that this is where God wants me.

I have hard questions. Soul wrenching questions that aren't going away. They can't be prayed away or answered by reading more scriptures. If that was the case they would have been gone long ago. When I ask these questions in prayer, heaven is generally silent. But when I ask, "Do you want me in this church? Even with all the pain and frustration?" I feel an overwhelming sense that my Father and Mother in Heaven love me and are present, and their joint answer is, "Yes. Stay. Continue holding on to your hope for things you can't see."

So, I like Jess, choose to stay. But, she says, she would probably not encourage others to join. This statement wouldn't sit well with most members. One of my family members responded to the post in part with the following:    

"In my opinion to be truly converted to the gospel you could never make the following statement: 'But would I ever encourage any one else to join the church? If I’m being honest, the answer is no, probably not.'

Her statement is like saying 'I enjoy living in a safe and comfortable house, but I would never recommend it to my friends who's houses are on fire. After all, they have their agency.'"

I like the image of the church as a house: a place that offers shelter, room for family to gather, a place that feels like home. I'd like to expand on that idea and perhaps give you a better idea of how I see things.

As a child I loved watching This Old House, a program that showed beautiful old houses being restored. I see many of these types of houses in the Avenues in Salt Lake City near the hospital where I work. I marvel at their beauty and grandeur.  

In many ways the church is like one of these grand old homes. Built by our pioneer ancestors, the house of the church is solid, built on a firm foundation. The architecture is lofty and inspiring. There is also much sense of history here. I can see the pictures of my parents, grandparents, generations of love in this home. This is where the people I love gather, sit around the table and share a hearty meal. There is true Christian service. There is joy in this house and I love it dearly. 

But, if I look closely I can see some of the paint is peeling. There's a leaky sink here, a drafty window there. Our family has expanded over the years too. We've opened our doors, not just to our family but now to our neighbors and friends. It's wonderful to share the goodness, but we've got people sleeping on the couch and on the floor. And only half the family has a key to the place that is supposed to be home to all. 

I loved watching the workers on This Old House transform old homes. When you repair and improve an old home it is called restoration. Now there's a word we are familiar with. Recently President Uchtdorf reminded the members that the restoration of the church is an on going process. I believe wholeheartedly in his words: 

"Sometimes we think of the Restoration of the gospel as something that is complete, already behind us—Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon, he received priesthood keys, the Church was organized. In reality, the Restoration is an ongoing process; we are living in it right now. It includes “all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal,” and the “many great and important things” that “He will yet reveal.”"  

When some of us try to speak up and suggest that maybe the leaky window in the back upstairs bedroom needs to be repaired we are met with exclamations of surprise, "My bedroom window is fine! You're just looking to complain." or "Why can't you just focus on the good?" Well, my room's so cold and night and I'm getting sick. When we suggest that maybe it's time to build an addition so we can fit all those who want to join us, we are told, "You should be happy with the house the way it is. It's perfect. If you don't like it, why don't you just leave?" 

I won't leave because I also believe these words from President Uchtdorf: 

"There is too much at stake for us as individuals, as families, and as Christ’s Church to give only a halfhearted effort to this sacred work.

Being a disciple of Jesus Christ is not an effort of once a week or once a day. It is an effort of once and for all."

I am committed to this church. But I won't be one to be lulled into security and say, "All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well." 

I'm not leaving because this is my home and I love it. The plans are divine, but the construction is mortal. We have some work to do; we can fix some of our leaks, finish washing and putting away our laundry and replace our windows with the new Energy Star version. And, like a good Mormon girl I'm going to be humming a hymn while I work, because I'll "help the good work move along, and put my shoulder to the wheel."   

For The Momma

Lord, Teach Us to Pray by Ron DiCianni

These words are not mine, but they are just what I needed today. 

Adapted from a post titled: "For The Momma of the Strong Willed Child," on We Are That Family. 

You will survive this hard place.

And most importantly, one day, you will thank God for it.

I’ve learned strong-willed toddlers grow up to be strong-willed teens.

And that’s more than okay. It’s actually a blessing and I wouldn’t change it if I could. Even when saying no means tempers flare or make the meanest mom. I’ll take it.

Listen, I know these strong-willed children are challenging. They push our buttons; they make us question our parenting. We cry and hit our knees.

But they are used by God to transform us.

They show us our humanity, our weakness and mostly how much we need Jesus.

We want our determined, fierce kids to stand up first to us so someday they can stand up against the world.

The beauty of strong-willed children is that they are strong.

They will try and lead and manipulate us; starve and dress themselves and win every argument. Their determination will embarrass and thrill us all in the same day.

We will beg and barter and bribe. We will question every move we make and cringe at every fit. But we will remember that their fierce determination is channeled into velvet strength and these kids who won’t give up their will, also will not give in.

Yes, they chase hard after what they want, but they also chase hard after what’s right.

So, Momma of the strong-willed child pulling out your hair, wondering if you’ll ever be able to eat in public again, be encouraged.

That little one will change the world.

But first, he will change you.

Event: BYU Women's Conference April 30 - May 1

For More Information: BYU Women's Conference Webpage

Youth Sunday School April "Apostasy and Resoration"

“What does Joseph Smith’s example teach me about learning the gospel?" 

“Joseph Smith sought spiritual knowledge while acting as the Lord’s instrument in restoring the gospel. He pondered the scriptures, asked inspired question, and acted upon what he learned. As we follow the Prophet’s example, we can receive answers to our questions and inspiration to guide our own lives.” Come Follow Me


Objective
Help class members apply Joseph Smith’s example of seeking gospel knowledge. We will focus on pondering the scriptures and asking inspired questions.

Gospel Study Skills 
Searching for principles.

Introduction 
Today will discuss the events that led up to Joseph Smith’s First Vision and how we can apply them to our lives. As we talk, I want you to pay attention to principles. A principle is a truth that guides our actions. Sometimes principles are stated plainly in the scriptures or words of the prophets, and other times they are implied in a story.

As we discuss, think about the following questions:

• What principles do I learn from this passage?
• Are they different from what I thought or learned in the past?
• Do they inspire me to change anything in my life?

(Write questions on the board or have word strips and put them on the board)

Can someone summarize for us what was going on in Joseph Smith’s life when he was 14? 

Joseph had a gospel question. Talk about questions. Some questions are more important than others.

Read JS-H 1:8-10, looking for words and phrases that show how important this question was for Joseph Smith.

How did Joseph Smith feel? 

“My mind was called up to serious reflection and great uneasiness”
“My feelings were deep and poignant”
“My mind at times was greatly excited”
“I often said to myself, ‘What is to be done?’

An Obscure Boy by Joseph Brickey 

Notice that Joseph Smith didn't immediately pray and receive the First Vision. What kinds of things did Joseph do in these verses? 

Ask yourself: Is it OK to have gospel questions? Is there room in this church for questions?

As you think about those questions, read the following quotes:

QUOTE #1
“In this Church that honors personal agency so strongly, that was restored by a young man who asked questions and sought answers, we respect those who honestly search for truth … It’s natural to have questions—the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding. There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions. One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of faith—even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty. Faith is to hope for things which are not seen but which are true.”
(Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “Come, Join with Us,” General Conference, October 2013)

QUOTE #2
“In this Church there is an enormous amount of room—and scriptural commandment—for studying and learning, for comparing and considering, for discussion and awaiting further revelation. We all learn ‘line upon line, precept upon precept,’ with the goal being authentic religious faith informing genuine Christlike living.”
(Jeffrey R. Holland, “A Prayer for the Children,” General Conference, April 2003)

One day Joseph was reading in the Bible and read a scripture we are all familiar with. I want to you put yourself in Joseph’s shoes. Imagine that you felt what he felt and then imagine you are reading this scripture for the first time.

Have a class member read James 1:5:
 “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

Read JS-H 1:12

Joseph said,  “Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know…”

Have you ever felt a scripture or gospel teaching reinforced to you like this?  
How did Joseph apply this scripture to himself?

Read JS-H 1:13
“At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to “ask of God,” concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.”

Trust in this scripture is what led Joseph to the Sacred Grove and to the First Vision. There he learned that Go would indeed give liberally. We are each blessed by the light, knowledge and power that flowed down from Heaven through Joseph Smith.

Joseph Smith by Walter Rane 

What would have happened if Joseph Smith had thought, “Well, I’m sure the preacher at my mother’s church knows best, I should just follow him?”

As you read the following quotations ponder these questions:

Why is it important that we ask gospel questions? 
Why is it important to search for our own answers? 

QUOTE #3
“Sometimes we think we can do it by ourselves, that it will make us strong to struggle through a problem alone. Or sometimes we think that no one can help us, no one can understand us. The Savior can and will do both. James 1:5 is that wonderful scripture that gave the boy Joseph Smith courage to go out into the Sacred Grove. Let’s paraphrase it so that it applies to us more directly: “When we lack wisdom, we should ask God. God will give us wisdom generously, without scolding and finding fault. Wisdom will be given to us.” I think that God is waiting for us to ask him. He wants to give to us and give generously, and he will not scold or reproach us. He doesn’t say, “Can’t you figure this out on your own?” or “You, again! Didn’t I just see you this morning?” No, he’s anxious to fill our souls with his goodness and his love. Our questions are just as important to us as Joseph Smith’s question was to him. And who knows, maybe the Lord has an answer for us that turns out to be as important to the world as Joseph Smith’s answer was to us today!”
(Chieko N. Okazaki, former 1st Counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency Cat’s Cradle, pg 87)

QUOTE #4
 “As a means of coming to truth, people in the Church are encouraged by their leaders to think and find out for themselves. They are encouraged to ponder, to search, to evaluate, and thereby to come to such knowledge of the truth as their own consciences, assisted by the Spirit of God, lead them to discover. Brigham Young said: ‘I am more afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blind self-security. … Let every man and woman know, by the whispering of the Spirit of God to themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not’ (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [1941], 135). In this manner no one need be deceived.”
(James E. Faust, Former Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “The Truth Shall Make You Free,” Ensign, September 1998)

QUOTE #5
“Unfortunately, we sometimes don’t seek revelation or answers from the scriptures or the handbooks because we think we know the answers already.
Brothers and sisters, as good as our previous experience may be, if we stop asking questions, stop thinking, stop pondering, we can thwart the revelations of the Spirit. Remember, it was the questions young Joseph asked that opened the door for the restoration of all things. We can block the growth and knowledge our Heavenly Father intends for us. How often has the Holy Spirit tried to tell us something we needed to know but couldn’t get past the massive iron gate of what we thought we already knew?”
(Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “Acting on the Truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ,” Worldwide Leadership Training 2012)

Watch Mormon Messages video, “Origin”

How to you feel after viewing this video? 

We can learn from Joseph that God is aware of us and our lives. Like Joseph, we can feel confident that our questions are important to God. He will answer them in his own way and time. Like Joseph, we must put forward effort to study, ponder and pray for guidance. Then God can use our humility and diligence to reveal knowledge to bless our lives and the lives of those around us.

QUOTE #6
“Can you imagine how 14-year-old Joseph must have felt to see God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, and to hear Heavenly Father call him by his name?
When I visited the Sacred Grove, I tried to imagine what it must have been like to have been Joseph Smith. In those quiet moments, the Spirit whispered to my beating heart that I was standing on holy ground and that all that the Prophet Joseph Smith had said was true. Then came the powerful realization that we are all the beneficiaries of his faith, courage, and steadfast desire to obey God. He had received an answer to his humble prayer. He had seen the Father and His Beloved Son. There in the Sacred Grove, I knew that Heavenly Father not only knew Joseph Smith by name, but He also knows each of us by name. And just as Joseph Smith had an important part to play in this great and marvelous work, we too have an important part to play in these latter days.
Did you know that Heavenly Father knows you personally—by name? The scriptures teach us that this is true … You may not have heard the Lord call you by name, but He knows each one of you and He knows your name … Each of us will play an important part if we follow the pattern established by Joseph Smith. The Lord strengthened Joseph Smith for his divine mission. He will strengthen you for yours.”
(Elaine S. Dalton, Former 2nd Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, “He Knows You by Name,” General Conference, April 2005)

Event:

For More Information: UtahEconomicSummit.com